It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

Wolynn introduces the concept of the “core complaint” as the first step in his “core language map”—a tool designed to uncover hidden familial traumas influencing our lives. He asserts that the words we use to express our deepest fears and struggles often contain vital clues to unresolved issues, some of which may have been passed down through generations. 

Wolynn illustrates this idea with several examples. He discusses Joanne, who felt perpetually labeled as an “abject disappointment” by her mother. Upon delving into her family history, Joanne discovered that this harsh phrase echoed her grandmother’s experience. Her grandmother, shamed and ostracized for having a child out of wedlock with a married man, lived her life feeling like a disappointment. 

Another example involves Carson, a 26-year-old man who developed panic attacks and an overwhelming fear of dying without leaving a legacy after a near-fatal car accident. Exploring his family background, Carson learned that his father was forced to relinquish parental rights after a bitter divorce and was effectively erased from Carson’s life. Carson’s fear of being forgotten mirrored his father’s reality of being cut off from his son. By reconnecting with his estranged father, Carson addressed the root of his anxieties, leading to the disappearance of his panic attacks.